Clue? You don’t. The more you struggle against your lack of sleep, the worse it gets. What you resist persists.

I was putting together another project about sleep, and I began outlay all of the standard information like cutting out screen time, caffeine, making sure your room is a certain temperature etc. etc., but then I remembered something important.

I have struggled with insomnia. Whenever anyone suggested to me that I try chamomile tea, I had the strong urge to bop them in the face.

So, I am not going to insult you with any of these suggestions – if you have insomnia or have trouble sleeping, you’ve already tried these things, haven’t you?

Firstly, I want to tell you that the most common form of insomnia is psychological insomnia – that is, not caused by anything physical.

It most commonly begins when a trigger takes place such as a big life change, or even smaller daily events, then the thoughts show up.

Thinking about things endlessly in bed during the night has the effect of amplifying the issues you are facing.

Then, we start to incorporate things to try and “fix” the problem such as self-medicating, changing your surroundings, sleeping in a separate room, listening to dolphin music, or whatever the latest recommendation is.

How much is all of this costing you?

The cost could be financial, or it could be costing you time, emotions, relationships, energy or your health.

When you are in bed at night and can’t sleep, pay attention.

On purpose. Non-judgmentally.

This is focused attention -when you are awake in bed during the night, take notice of where you are and what you are experiencing right now.

Observe and make space for your thoughts. Notice your "thinking mind" and know that it is separate to you, and that your thoughts are like clouds in the sky – constantly changing, rarely consisting of anything tangible. Notice your breath as it rises and falls. Scan every part of your body and just notice the sensations. This is the beginning of becoming less reactive to what you are thinking.

Acceptance is not about liking, or being ok with your insomnia, but rather dropping the struggle against it.

Only when you can do this, will you become untangled. Your attempts to fight, avoid or control your sleep are telling your survival brain that there is a threat - undermining your intention and making things worse.

Your brain is constantly trying to predict the future (usually worst-case scenario), and so, you are caught in an endless tug-of-war.

These thoughts are products of your mind - not the truth.

Try seeing your unhelpful night-time thoughts as students in a classroom - welcome each "student", stand back and make space for them.

Examine each one - what physical sensations arise?

What does each thought look like? Breathe into and experience each one, instead of fearing them.

Do not try to "get rid" of them or it will make things worse.

Look at the big picture.

Often, when we lie awake worrying instead of sleeping, it's because there's something on your mind. Look carefully at the major factors in your life - work, relationships, physical health and mental wellbeing (preferably during waking hours!).

Is there something major there that needs to be addressed?

Seek professional help if the problem seems too large - you are a human, and your brain is simply trying to solve a problem that needs to be seriously addressed.

Live your life. Paradoxically, only when you learn to accept and make space for your sleep struggles can you make the conscious choice to not let them run your life.

Once you are at this stage, ask yourself what's important to you - connecting with friends and family?

Getting fit and eating better?

Doing more study?

Live your values and shift your focus away from your sleep struggles and on to what matters to you.

By Kathryn Wright

Registered Counsellor MNZAC

www.kathrynwright.co.nz